{"id":75380,"date":"2025-04-21T18:35:10","date_gmt":"2025-04-21T18:35:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.allearsenglish.com\/?p=75380"},"modified":"2025-04-27T17:22:05","modified_gmt":"2025-04-27T17:22:05","slug":"avoid-conversation-mistakes-with-matt-abrahams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.allearsenglish.com\/avoid-conversation-mistakes-with-matt-abrahams\/","title":{"rendered":"AEE 2395: 3 Conversation Mistakes and How to Avoid Them with Matt Abrahams"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you worry about making conversation mistakes in English?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today you’ll learn 3 tips for avoiding the most common mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt Abrahams, an expert in conversation skills, talks with Lindsay about this in today’s episode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He shares common mistakes made in conversations, how to avoid them and what to do instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Who is Matt Abrahams?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In today\u2019s episode, Lindsay interviews Matt Abrahams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt is the host of the Think Fast Talk Smart Podcast<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He is also a lecturer on strategic communication at Stanford University\u2019s Graduate School of Business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, he is the author of the book Think Faster, Talk Smarter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

3 most common conversation mistakes<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lindsay asks Matt what are the most common conversation mistakes in English.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She asks Matt to share how we can avoid them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

#1: Making the conversation about yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It is very common to be a “Me Monster.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your focus should not be on yourself, but on the person you\u2019re talking to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversation is an opportunity to connect with other people so you need to make sure you include them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not a one-way broadcast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lindsay asks how that makes the listener feel when you focus on yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt responds that it can be disengaging for the other person or feel like you are bragging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you have in common?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Connection NOT Perfection\u2122 is a mantra for All Ears English.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The word communication is from the original meaning \u2018make common.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sole purpose of communication is commonality and the way to do that is for both of you to contribute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

The importance of questions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

One great way to keep the conversation connected is to ask questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking questions is an invitation to the listener to join the discussion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another way is to bring up a topic that is shared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can point to something in an environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt shares that he started a good conversation with someone who was waiting in line for a buffet in a conference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He notices everyone is wearing blue and he starts with, \u201cI didn\u2019t know we had to wear blue for the conference.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The person found it funny and they have become good friends and they meet in conferences to catch up to this day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

What about interruption?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lindsay asks Matt about his thoughts on interruption.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt shares that interruption is important but there is a specific way you should do it to not break the connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He continues to share that paraphrasing when interrupting is key.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paraphrasing is when you take what somebody has said and say it in your own words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he needs to interrupt, he highlights what the other person is saying and paraphrases it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

#2: Pressure to be interesting in a conversation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You likely feel pressure to say something interesting to keep a conversation going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt shares he met a matchmaker and she shared something interesting about making connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The goal of a good conversation is to be interested and not interesting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of us see a conversation as a tennis match where your goal is to ace the ball over the net and score.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt says conversation is more like a hacky sack game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The goal is to keep the sack from hitting the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are helping each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a conversation, you need to show you\u2019re interested and give extra space for someone to talk more and for you to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To learn more information makes you mindful of the other person and shows interest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt shares that his mother-in-law is a great conversationalist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She often uses the phrase \u2018tell me more\u2019 once someone talks about a topic and this signals them to keep talking and it shows she likes the topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This shows you\u2019re interested in what the other person is sharing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

#3: Balance in taking turns<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

There are two types of turns in a conversation according to Matt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a \u2018supporting\u2019 turn and a \u2018switching\u2019 turn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The \u2018supporting\u2019 turn is keeping the conversation on the same topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You make sure that you keep talking and the other person stays on the right track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The \u2018switching\u2019 turn is when you move on to another topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt gives an example where Lindsay and him would talk about a vacation she recently took in Hawaii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n